Few people would deny that our outward behavior is the result of our deepest intentions and yet sometimes the results of our behaviour may not necessarily be what we intended. Particularly if we are not skilled or practiced in using our bodies and voice to communicate what we intend.
Ideally the authentic self would be an integration of all four dimensions of human being. However, in our experience there is usually a gap between each of the dimensions of self.
We recently had an interesting discussion about authenticity with a group of delegates during an in house communication skills course.
We had identified early on that most of the participants attending the two-day programme had received a 360-degree feedback suggesting that they might benefit from tools and techniques to develop their communication skills.
One person in the group felt that, while they were keen to improve their skills being authentic while communicating at work was the most important thing. They then added that they would feel inauthentic if they were to consciously use their body language in a way that might influence someone.
This prompted us to pause and ask the group if they would be interested in us facilitating an exploration into the meaning of the word authenticity. They unanimously agreed and so we kicked off by asking the following question:
“Do you think there is a difference between how you feel, think and behave when you are at home with your family, out with friends and at work with colleagues?”
While everyone in this particular group agreed there was indeed a difference, most felt that they behaved authentically while communicating at work.
This then prompted the question, which of the feelings and behaviours were most authentic to the person; all of them perhaps?
This was a little trickier as it was clear from some of the feedback the delegates in the room had received from a recent 360 that their authentic behavior wasn’t necessarily making the desired impact.
The objective for the rest of the session then shifted towards how we might identify which is our authentic self and how to then consciously use a communication skills technique without losing authenticity. What happened next?
Think, can of worms and a tin opener!
We started by looking at how we might become more conscious of how we use the 4 dimensions (body, heart, mind and intention) to express ourselves. Once we are clear about this we can begin to understand that there are in fact many selves behind what seems like one personality. At least four in most cases.
Let's start with what we might believe is our authentic physical self. It is a fact that we inherit 50% of our genes from our Mothers and the other 50% from our fathers so the self we call our body is entirely inherited. We are basically physical reproductions of our parents. The important thing to understand about this is that the genes we’ve inherited contain memories. You may have heard of muscle memory in sport, well the same applies to the genetic memory inherent in the formation of the human body in vitro. All the memories that inform the process leading to the shape, size and quality of our physical organs is contained in the genes we inherit and are the result of our ancestors’ social and environmental experiences and behaviours. Recent studies in epigenetics have revealed just how important genetic inheritance can be in terms of our health and well-being and that of our children. So, what does it mean to be authentically ourselves physically when we’ve inherited someone else’s body parts?
Now let’s explore how we might become a slightly different person when we become emotional. People will often say that after a particularly emotional episode – this may have involved either feeling extremely happy or ecstatic to feeling sad or angry - they felt like they had been hijacked by another personality. This is essentially because our emotions are a mix of inherited dispositions, learned behaviours and also our own unique responses to the life conditions and experiences we have been born into. Each important stage of life is marked by certain emotional benchmarks, infancy to childhood and puberty to adulthood. Each of these stages will have featured both positive and negative experiences that lay down some fairly stubborn and habitual, emotional responses that can be very hard to break. So, are we always authentically being ourselves emotionally? Which is your true and authentic emotional self?
The intellectual dimension is also subject to the vagaries of our genetic inheritance. Although this is not necessarily fixed for life. Research into brain plasticity has revealed that our thinking style can be altered and with practice and regular brain workouts we can increase our intellectual capacity. However, our genes combined with the quality of our education will influence the development of a personality that is based on our own knowledge of the world. The challenge for this personality is that it will often be a combination of learned traditions and rules plus our own interpretation of the information we have been required to understand and accept. It is probably safe to assume that most people are behaving authentically when communicating their knowledge about the world. After all, it is what they believe to be true.
Which neatly brings us to the fourth dimension of self-expression. The Intentional self. This is the personality that forms around our deepest values and beliefs about life, the universe and everything.
For example, while at work you may professionally execute all the tasks required of your job role but your 'intention' is to get through the day avoiding your boss or certain colleagues and get out of the building as quickly as possible.
In this instance you may be ‘doing’ a job of work that doesn’t utilize all your skills, working for a boss who doesn’t value you or recognize or acknowledge your potential and perhaps your role is not offering you the opportunities you believe you deserve.
In this example your intentional self is the most authentic expression of what and who you are. You may be ‘doing’ your job very well but your 'being'- body language and emotional responses to others you work with - will be expressing your ‘authentic’ intentions. In this case if you communicate anything other than what you genuinely intend you may be perceived as behaving in-authentically – perhaps without even realizing it.
This is the time to reset your intentions and consciously choose a different authentic you that will serve you better. It may be that you can tap into the authentic you that enjoys the physical aspect of the job or begin to explore and expand your authentic emotional self. How might you become authentically more in touch with your emotions in a way that benefits both your colleagues and customers? Perhaps your intellectual self could offer more to your boss than you currently share. What impact might that have?
As we consciously choose which self to express, when, to whom and how, we can begin to integrate all 4 dimensions in a flow of ‘being’ that increases our feeling of authenticity.
So the next time someone says to you “I like to be authentic” you might enquire as to which of the four authentic selves they are being?
